Last updated on October 28, 2020
Can I ask some questions? I don’t know if I’m pregnant, but I think I am because it has been four months since I had a period. Every time that I had sex with my boyfriend in the last four months, we always practiced withdrawal, but in those four months I haven’t menstruated. I did a pregnancy test when I was two months delayed, but it was negative. Now it is four months already, and my abdomen getting bigger. I want to get a check up, but not now in my situation. Please help me to understand everything.
A guy withdrawing during sex doesn’t guarantee that pregnancy will not occur. It only reduces the chance that you would become pregnant. If 100 married couples were having sex regularly, the odds are that within a year 85 of the couples would find themselves expecting a child. If the withdrawal method is used, only 19 would find themselves expecting a child. From 85 to 19 is a significant drop, but it is not zero. There are many reasons why it cannot be zero, but at the moment, the important point is that it looks as if you are among those who have gotten pregnant.
Every time you have sex with someone, there is always a chance that you can become pregnant. The odds are only the likelihood. It could happen the first time or it might not happen for years. I’ve known couples who were in both situations. But either way, it doesn’t change one important fact: you and your boyfriend have been sinning. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). You’ve been committing fornication and that fact can no longer be hidden.
The first thing you need to do is see a doctor in order to confirm what you suspect. You have a child coming and that child needs to be cared for even before his birth. Home pregnancy tests are only 97% accurate, though even that depends on how well you follow the instructions. Thus it is possible that you got a false negative from the test. The tests done by a doctor are far more accurate.
The second thing you need to do is talk with your boyfriend about what the two of you are going to do. Both of you are responsible for conceiving the child and both of you are responsible for the child’s upbringing. This is going to impact the rest of your life.
The most important thing, however, is that you two need to get yourselves right with God. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God” (I Corinthians 6:9-11).
I don’t know how to explain it, but he cares for me — at least he did. I feel that is true, but I don’t know if he still loves me, but I know I love him. I didn’t do anything wrong. I got the girl that was talking to him mad about me. I feel stupid because two days ago he knew that I’m pregnant. I told him. After the girl messaged him, I really didn’t want to tell him about my situation because I’m not sure about it. But it’s been four months already. I told him and he said I need to get a check-up. I want to do that but I’m scared.
I hate pointing this out, but what you saw as love wasn’t love. Love causes feelings, but love isn’t a feeling; it is a choice. One of the prime characteristics of true love is that it is a choice that is never withdrawn. “Love never fails” (I Corinthians 13:8). I’m not certain if I followed what you wrote correctly, but it sounds as if he has moved on to another girl after the time you and he were having sex. That isn’t love.
I would like you to read two articles to help you understand what love really is:
Getting a check-up isn’t going to change the situation, but it will give you the information you need to for future decisions. Being pregnant isn’t going to solve your relationship problems with this boy, it is only going to further complications.
I don’t know how old you and he are, but I would strongly suggest considering adoption for the child. The child needs a stable mom and dad to grow up well and it doesn’t sound as if you are in a position to supply that for the child.
He doesn’t have another girl, but, yes, like what you said, maybe, just because we have a little one coming, I hope I feel his love. I haven’t told my family about my situation yet.
There are consequences to sin. You shouldn’t have had sex with a boy to whom you are not married. The embarrassment of admitting you sinned to your family is probably going to be one of the least of those consequences. It will be hard, but you are better off getting it over with.