I want to date a boy but he doesn’t want to date me now

Last updated on October 21, 2020


I am twelve years old. My crush’s birthday is the day after mine. He is always saying he only likes me as a friend, but I told him that I liked him as more than just a friend. I like him a lot; I just don’t want to ruin our friendship. He said it was cool because we are such good friends. Should I ask him out and see what happens or should I just wait?

[The following came the next day.]

My friend told me why he didn’t want to date me now. It’s because he is afraid that we may break-up and not be friends anymore. Does that mean he really doesn’t want to date me anymore? Or maybe he just really likes me. Do you think he likes me or what?


Let’s try to look at this from a practical viewpoint. In most states, you will not be able to marry until your eighteen. So you are looking at a minimum of a six-year relationship. Now think about the things you liked six years ago. (I know that was half your life ago, but this will make a significant point.) What were your favorite shows, foods, and activities? I suspect that your current favorites are drastically different today than they were six years ago.

At your current age, you are in a period of life where you are changing just as rapidly as you did from the time you were in kindergarten. Just as the things that you like then are different from today, so will be the things you like six years from now will be different.

It appears your friend understands this. It is good to have friends, but twelve is too early to think about commitments. Of course, he likes you! He has said it. But I feel sorry for him because you don’t believe him. You are wanting more from him than he is willing to give at this moment in time. You really ought to respect him by accepting what he has said.

Be friends. Do things together. Laugh and have fun. “Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these God will bring you into judgment” (Ecclesiastes 11:9). If there is something there to build a permanent relationship upon, it will grow. If not, it will die off. All the pushing and prodding that you do will not change it one bit. Asking your friend out on a date won’t make him like you more or less. Rushing life won’t make it more pleasant.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have …” (Hebrews 13:5). The word “covetousness” means being greedy for something more. Life will be more pleasant if you learn to be happy with the way things are instead of pushing to make things the way you think they ought to be. And it will close the door on a path Satan will use against you, to tempt you to go farther than you ought.