Last updated on November 1, 2020
I am a proud 19-year-old girl but recently had a very hard time with a mid-twenty-year-old assistant pastor. I just became a boarding student at a school, and I believed God led me to that school. I love fellowships and listening to the word of God so much that when I met this guy, I was determined to stay with him and listen to how he preached. Our friendship quickly turned around when he told me the Lord chose me to be his wife. I didn’t know if such a thing was possible.
However, I didn’t mind, I was a bit excited too. Then he told me he sensed that other boys liked me too, so he wanted to have me to himself, and the only way to do that is by having sex with me. I knew that it was not right to have sex before marriage, and I warned him, but he persisted and said that it wouldn’t matter because I’ll be his wife later on. I slept with him thinking it was true. We were both virgins.
After that night I felt sick and confused. I don’t think he penetrated me because I didn’t bleed. But this guilt won’t go away. I feel I fell short of God’s glory.
What intimidates me is that the more I stay in this relationship with him I always see that he gets aroused again and wants to have sex with me, which I feel I can’t do again. Plus he claims me as his wife and not girlfriend, which scares me a bit too. So I left him and broke away. However, he still wants us to come back together to form a relationship, but I feel that I am not ready for a serious relationship such as that. I made some vows with him, especially about our family in the future and business and things, which I regret now because nature was our witness.
I am a bit depressed and would like to ask: Do I have to go back to him despite what he did? if I leave him, will I be able to marry another man, even though I think I am not a virgin anymore? Will God forgive such a person like me? Do I have another chance to have a normal relationship with boys again, but doing things the right way at the right time?
Please, I really need your advice as soon as possible.
“But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. … and especially those who walk according to the flesh in the lust of uncleanness and despise authority. … But these, like natural brute beasts made to be caught and destroyed, speak evil of the things they do not understand, and will utterly perish in their own corruption, and will receive the wages of unrighteousness, as those who count it pleasure to carouse in the daytime. They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you, having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart trained in covetous practices, and are accursed children. … For when they speak great swelling words of emptiness, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through lewdness, the ones who have actually escaped from those who live in error. While they promise them liberty, they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage” (II Peter 2:1,10, 12-14, 18-19).
While he claims to be a Christian, he lives a life contrary to God (I Corinthians 6:9-10). He claimed that God spoke to him, but what he asked you do to was a violation of God’s Law. In other words, he is a false teacher and a liar who took advantage of a young woman who just left home.
Leaving him was the right thing to do. You also should write a letter to church leaders letting them know that they have a problem on their hands. Then find a true church — one where people teach and live by God’s teachings. “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15-20). Block the bum’s number so you won’t hear from him again.
You made a grave mistake by being too naive and trusting. Don’t follow your feelings, follow what God teaches in the Bible. Apologize to God (I John 1:9) and continue to stay out of sexual sins. There is no reason why you can’t date a real man who respects you and marry him if you find him to be worthy to be your husband. Just because a fraud took advantage of you, it doesn’t mean you are tied to him for the rest of your life. You made no covenant — there were no witnesses, no record of it, and no token of its existence — all which are elements of a true marriage vow. See Marriage Covenants. He even acknowledges this, though that doesn’t mean much because he wants to start a relationship with you.
Thank you very much. I find from your advice that there is still hope for forgiveness from God if I really repent and confess my sins to Him. I will delete any of his contact details and concentrate on trusting God’s laws instead of following my feelings. Your advice really helps. Thanks again.