We stopped having sex, but I still don’t feel closer to God

Last updated on November 1, 2020



I’ve been struggling and I’m looking for some help.

It all began with my ex-boyfriend and sexual sin. He constantly forced me into sex by pressuring me until I had given in. I knew God was real. I believed in Him, but I wasn’t following Him like I should have been.

My ex and I dated for a couple of years. We ended up breaking up. It hurt me tore me to pieces.

I had a best friend who was always there for me. He cares for me so much. I turned my life over to Christ, got baptized, and ended up dating him. Well, I started having sex with him. I know it was wrong. I felt so guilty. I asked for forgiveness, but then I did it again – quite a number of times. Finally, I went to church and my preacher preached about sexual sin, and I told myself this is enough. God does not approve of sex before marriage, so I’ve stopped. But I just feel more distant from God and I just want to be closer.

We attend church every Sunday. He respects my decision to not have sex. He told me he loves me, and he respects me. He, of course, struggles with it sometimes too, but he gets through it.

Please help.


I’m glad to hear that you stopped your sins. A Christian cannot be in the world and follow God at the same time. “Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (I John 2:15). For that reason, it saddens me that your boyfriend isn’t as convicted of the need to not sin as you are.

Feelings are not a determiner of anything. “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26). Feelings are the result, and should not be the cause of why you do things. That is because feelings can easily change. But the truth — God’s Word — does not change. It is fixed and stable. When you listen to God, you are getting closer to Him — it is as simple as that. “He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him” (John 14:21).