Last updated on October 31, 2020
Last night I had sex with my friend’s boyfriend. I have a boyfriend and we’ve had sex before. Whenever I commit a sin, I go back to God and ask for forgiveness. This time, it was different. I tried to ask for forgiveness, but deep within I felt it was not sincere. I am aware of soul ties and that is scaring me. I feel empty, regretful, confused, dirty, and worthless. I feel that I’m so much of a disappointment to both myself, my mom, and most importantly God. I want to get back to Christ fully. I just realized that I don’t keep my word to God. I need counseling and prayers. I do not want to have sex again. I want to fully dedicate my life to Christ.
I’m not certain what you are looking for. I can’t see into your mind and tell if you are sincere or not. I can look at your actions and it appears that you use “asking for forgiveness” as a pass for sin, but you don’t really make any changes in your behavior. Sin tends to be progressive, so over time committing fornication with your boyfriend isn’t enough, now you have moved to sex with your friend’s boyfriend, thereby betraying your friendship along with committing fornication.
I suspect that you decide right and wrong based on your feelings at the moment. In other words, you are impulsive. Feelings are an unreliable indication of what is right. “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26). You have to stop using yourself as a guide and be resolved to only do as God directs in His Bible.
With that comes moving beyond feeling sorry for yourself and making radical changes in your life. “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter” (II Corinthians 7:10-11).
No one can make you do what is right. It has to be your own choice and your own doing.