I left before it went further, but I’m ashamed that I wanted it to go further

Last updated on November 2, 2020


Good morning,

Thank you so much for the information you wrote on your page.

Yesterday something happened to me. I went over to see my male friend. I didn’t intend to kiss him, but one thing lead to another and we started kissing and had a bit of foreplay. I stopped him and ran away.

The issue is that I wanted to stop but couldn’t until I told myself I had to run. My flesh wanted him — I wouldn’t lie about that. With God’s help, I have not had sex for about seven years now, but sometimes I fall into pre-sex behavior like kissing. I really felt very bad yesterday and I still do. I couldn’t pray, I feel so ashamed of myself, and I wonder how this could happen again. I cried yesterday because I felt I let Jesus down again. I felt like cutting myself and ending it because I am tired of falling into mistakes like this. I wouldn’t lie, I saw the warning signs, but I felt I could handle him. I did in the past but yesterday I just can’t explain what happened.

Please, what should I do? I want to talk to my pastor, but I am afraid of how he would look at me afterward. I want to talk to Jesus, but I feel he is also disappointed in me because I made the same mistake again. I am running madly in my thoughts right now. Kindly tell me what you think I can do about all this.

Thank you.


Often when we have managed to avoid sin for a while, we become convinced that it is no longer an issue for us. This is why Paul gave the warning: “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall” (I Corinthians 10:12). We cannot let our guard down. We have to always remain vigilant.

Yes, you got into some lewd behavior, which was wrong, but you had the strength of character to put a stop to it instead of continuing. As much as we try to avoid sin, we know that sin will happen at times. “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us” (I John 1:8-10). Thus, you apologize to the Lord for your weakness and then you return to being even more careful.

The way to avoid seductive sins is to not start traveling the path that leads to sex. “Do not enter the path of the wicked And do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they do evil; And they are robbed of sleep unless they make someone stumble” (Proverbs 4:14-16). Too often we think we can deal with temptation, but we forget that we are not the only person involved and those other people may not have the same standards as we hold. I suspect that your friend purposely stirred up your sexual desire in hopes of convincing you to allow him to have sex with you. Knowing this now, the best answer is that you won’t be with him in private anymore.