What am I going to tell my future husband?

Last updated on November 2, 2020


Good day sir,

I’ve not been deflowered, but I did give oral sex twice to two previous lovers in the past. I’m full of regrets. I didn’t know it counts as sex. I was ignorant. I strongly believe pre-marital sex is wrong, and I can’t believe I was so foolish. I will never do it again, but I’m finding it hard to pray. I’m battling with regrets from the past and fear of the future. I’m scared that when I tell my future husband this, he will leave me and find me repulsive. I find myself repulsive too. I read your post on-line and felt I needed to share this as it is eating me up.


The reason it is called “oral sex” is that it is a form of sex. I’m glad you realize now that you’ve sinned. Sin happens to everyone and to pretend that one form of sin is worse than another is foolish. This doesn’t excuse the sins you’ve committed, but at the same time, there is no reason to make this into an impossible task. Go to God to gain forgiveness. If you are not yet a Christian, then it is past time to be baptized and enter the covenant with Christ (Romans 6:1-7). If you are a Christian, then talk to God about what you did wrong and what you are doing to change (I John 1:9).

Sadly, given the quantity of sexual sin taking place in this world, few people are expecting to find a virgin to marry. If your boyfriend asks whether you’ve had sex, be honest: “Unfortunately, I made mistakes in my past. I was involved in oral sex, but I have not had intercourse. I repented of my sins and have not been involved in sexual sins since then.” Then make it clear that you are not going to involved in sexual sins with him. Sex will only take place after marriage. What you do not state is the details: who you had sex with, how often, or details about what it was like. Simply state that it was in the past and you are not revisiting your sins. If he is not happy with that answer, then he is not a suitable man to be your husband.