Last updated on November 2, 2020
Question:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and two months now. I am only 17, and he is 19. The first day I met him God spoke to me and told me he would be the one I would marry. And so we started dating, and then I started to really believe what God had told me.
I’m going to get into details. Over the past two months, we started off with making out in the car and him fingering me. And then we would do it again until I would give him a hand job. We’re at the point where he does oral on me now. For these past two months, I have been confused and feeling guilty. I keep on telling myself “There’s a great chance we will be married in a couple of years, so it’s okay to do this.” But I feel like I am disappointing God. I need to know if what my boyfriend and I are doing is considered a sin through God’s eyes so I can stop it now.
Answer:
So many are convinced that God speaks directly to people today that they actually ignore what the Bible says. God did speak to people in the past, but it was a rare event. “God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets” (Hebrews 1:1). More often he used intermediaries, such as prophets or angels, but even then it didn’t happen all that often. You have to remember that the Bible contains the highlights of God’s interactions with mankind, covering about 4,000 years of history. Even for those who God did talk to, they didn’t always know what God wanted. As an example, Paul at one point wanted to go into the area that we know as northern Turkey, but he kept getting blocked. He wasn’t told why.
If you continue to read Hebrews 1:2 tells us that God has decided to now limit His communications to be only through His Son. Paul also told us that the miraculous gifts, such as prophecy — which is what God speaking to man directly is called, would soon come to an end when the Bible, the perfect law of liberty, was completed. “Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away” (I Corinthians 13:8-10).
I know you badly wanted confirmation that the young man you met was going to be your husband, but I believe that what you heard was your desire and not God. Perhaps you and he will marry one day, that is something I cannot predict, but I can tell you both that you are going against the teachings of God right now.
Not long ago someone asked how far a person can go in intimacy without sinning. Instead of copying the entire answer, please take a moment to read: How far can you go with your girlfriend in regards to intimacy? When you get done with that one, we can continue.
I hope you realize by this point that you and your boyfriend have been committing a large number of sins, including fornication. True, he hasn’t yet convinced you to let him put his penis into your vagina, but that is what he has been working toward these last several months. Each time he gets a bit closer to his goal. But even without that particular act, you are still committing fornication, lewdness, inappropriate touching, and lust.
You’ve been excusing these sins by telling yourself that you might get married one day. However, the true point is that you are not married, and you are in the midst of sexual sins. As James points out, none of us knows what the future holds. “Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away” (James 4:14).
You badly want your boyfriend to be a gift from God, but you are trashing that gift.