I’ve been saying “no” to sex, but I sometimes wonder

Last updated on October 25, 2020


All my life I have wondered what sex really was. At a very young age of 5 or 6, I started to wonder what it really was. As I got older, I was influenced by certain things about what sex was. When I was 9 or 10, I started to look at porn and discover certain bad things that I thought were good. As I got older, I started to discover God and found Him. Now, I’m thirteen, and people around me are starting to have sex and are trying to influence me. I say no, but I wonder. I just need some reassurance as to what is wrong and right in the religious world. God bless!


I’m glad you are looking to God for answers. Friends and sometimes loved ones can even steer us in the wrong direction. We do know that God will direct us toward Him as long as we are seeking Him. You are correct when stating that you have found an interest in sexual things at a young age. Some don’t encounter these things or begin to dwell on sex until a much older age. There are two sides to sex: a beautiful one and a dangerous one.

The Beautiful Side to Sex

God created a sexual relationship between men and women. Matthew 19:4-5 says “He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh?’” Marriage is a covenant entered between two people. When two people remain pure from sexual acts before marriage, they have saved themselves for each other. There is no greater gift a groom can give his bride or a bride can give her groom than saying they have waited just for them! They learn together. They have no one or no other situation to compare to. Women sometimes are known for being jealous. Most women want to be their husbands “one and only.” If you desire to have this special relationship with your future spouse, you have to decide now before you are tempted with those situations. Sex creates a bond between two people. When this bond is created for the first time after marriage, it unifies the couple and makes their relationship even stronger. When this relationship is created outside of marriage, there is no covenant that keeps you connected and working on your relationship.

The Dangerous Side to Sex

If you begin sexual acts now, you are having sex with a man who is not committed to you. I’m sure he is handsome; he might even say he loves you, but the fact remains he doesn’t love you enough to commit the rest of his life to you and your future children. Men or boys like that generally walk away when life gets tough. They only stay when things are easy, and they can get free sex without being in a committed lifelong relationship. Men like that are rarely faithful to one woman for their entire life. As a teenager your friends are probably trying to avoid pregnancy, however, each one of them is fully exposed to sexually transmitted diseases that things like birth control and condoms can’t protect. “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:32-33). “Wounds” refers to diseases passed on by sex.

What one is doing when having sex before getting married is committing the sin of fornication. Fornication is an old word that means sex outside the bonds of marriage. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Paul is not saying “maybe” or “possibly,” he says it will not happen if you remain unrepentant in your sin. “I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish” (Luke 13:3).

God gives every sinner the opportunity to turn to Him. There is a difference between those who are turning to God after making a mistake or those who already know God and purposefully commit acts of sin. Even though you are young, no one is guaranteed tomorrow. Jesus could come today or something tragic could happen to us where we have to answer for our current actions. Don’t take any chances and keep your life committed to God! Don’t let the pressures of friends or family get you down. You can stay committed to God – women have done it before you and there will continue to be women after you who make their commitment at a young age to remain pure for marriage.

Sarabeth Bowen