We can’t stop, even when we want to

Last updated on October 31, 2020


Hello sir,

I am in my early twenties, and I have a boyfriend in his late twenties. We intend on marrying whenever we are ready, but until then I can’t stop romancing him. It is getting to the point of fornication, and we both can’t stop, even when we want to.

What should I do? I feel so bad each time I do it. We need urgent help and prayers. Please advise me. 


You are making several mistakes. First, you are telling yourself that it is all right to go further sexually than you should under the deception that one day you will be getting married. What you are ignoring is that you are not married, and therefore your sexual behavior with your boyfriend is sinful. “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

Second, it appears that your aim is to avoid sexual intercourse, but you are allowing yourself to get involved in other sins that lead up to intercourse. See: Is it OK to be sexual with someone you will marry soon? The simple fact is that if you don’t want to end up with his penis in you, then you don’t start the behaviors that get both of you so sexually aroused that you stop thinking.

In other words, you are wrong in saying that you can’t stop, even if you wanted to. What you are doing is putting the stop sign right at the edge of the cliff of sex. Then you rev up your engines with lustful thoughts, sexual touching, lewd behavior, nakedness, and then wonder why you can’t apply the brakes just before the cliff and stop instantly. “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it” (I Corinthians 10:13). The way to overcome is not to start heading toward the cliff.

None of this is going to help unless both of you are working toward living as God said. It won’t work if you take turns tempting each other to give in. But the best solution is to not delay marriage. Most people put themselves in harm’s ways because of a variety of excuses as to why they can’t get married now. Sure, marriage might add a few challenges, but they are nothing that can’t be overcome by working together and it removes the sin from your relationship. “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Corinthians 7:8-9).


Thank you, sir. I got it. Thank you very much.