Last updated on October 26, 2020
Question:
I had made a promise to God to stop having sex with my on and off boyfriend (right now he is my ex officially). But recently we dry humped, and I had an orgasm. Does that mean I broke my promise to God? I’m not so sure if I had sex or not.
Answer:
Your promise to God was meaningless. You were promising what God already commanded. By promising, you were treating the command of God as if it were an option. In truth, you are saying that you don’t follow God unless you personally think His command is worth following. In this way, you are putting yourself above God.
Another problem is that you are focused on only a part of the issue. You decided to stop having sex, but is it really because you realize that sex outside of marriage is wrong, or is it because you are mad at your boyfriend? Fornication is wrong (Hebrews 13:4), but it isn’t the only sin. There is also the sin of lust — strongly desire what is unlawful for you to have. I’m positive that while you two were humping each other you were not thinking about tomorrow’s tests. In addition, there is the sin of lewdness. Lewdness is all the sexual behavior that leads up to sex. “Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts” (Romans 13:13-14). What you need to realize is that you merely changed the type of sin that you have been committing.
Question:
I have been struggling with masturbation for years now. The feeling came when I was molested at a very young age. It comes and goes, but now, since I have broken up with my boyfriend, it has come back. Maybe it is because I miss him or I was used to him because he was my first. Please help me because it’s taken a toll on me.
Also will God forgive me? I tried my best to overcome it, then I just slip right into it.
I need help badly. Thanks.
Answer:
Women have just as strong desires for sex as men do, it is just not as evident when that desire hits. The triggers for sexual desire are different from men. For most women, masturbation may be used in response to sexual arousal, but more often it is done for stress relief or comfort. In the latter, it becomes a familiar routine that lowers anxiety and temporarily distracts from the pressures of life. In other words, it becomes a form of escapism. Problems aren’t solved, only ignored for a brief period of time.
It is likely that because of your earlier molestation, you found comfort in masturbation. It almost becomes ironic if it was so sad. I’m really sorry to hear that you were traumatized when you were young. Such things should never happen to innocent children, but evil is in this world, and such things do unfortunately happen. I hope you understand that what had happened when you were young was not your fault. The fault lies squarely on the creep who molested children.
God forgives all sins that are repented of and confessed to Him. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9). It isn’t the action that I would be concerned about as much as the thoughts you are having that accompanies the action. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man” (Mark 7:21-23). By itself, female masturbation can merely be said to be unproductive. But when it becomes a way to indulge in lustful thoughts, then you are walking down a path that will once again lead to sin. Satan is well known for using pleasure as a lure to draw people deep into sin.