Is daydreaming about sex wrong?

Question:

God bless!

I’m curious about whether daydreaming about sex is wrong. Well, I do know is wrong, it’s just I want some more convincing to stop doing it.

I don’t desire any guy in particular, in fact, I have never liked, dated, and don’t plan on doing so, or marrying; Maybe because I’m just 16 but I don’t think I’ll change my mind, and that it’s due to the fact that I’ve never had a good experience with guys, especially when I was younger.

I don’t always dream about sex — most of the time I don’t. I mostly dream of someone, well a guy, more like a prince, saving me and something like that. It’s kind of childish to put my mind on those things, and I’m embarrassed to do so. I’m well aware of my present, and I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior but, I don’t know, in my dreams I want a prince to take me out of my life because it’s more ‘possible’. My experiences in life had made me lose hope, especially in people, so I know it’s never going to be real. My thoughts and my mind are things that people are not going to take away from me and so I well imagine these dreamy scenarios in my head.

I don’t know anymore if it’s wrong. I just need advice.

Thank you for your time!

Answer:

If what is being imagined is something approved by God, such as sex within marriage, there is nothing directly wrong. But even in something that is proper, there can be a danger. Reality is rarely as “perfect” as our imagination. Spend too much time imagining how things ought to be, and you will be disappointed when you find out how things actually are.

There is an interesting point made several times in the Song of Solomon. Starting in Song of Solomon 2:4, the heroine and her fiance, Solomon, are at a formal banquet. The heroine realizes that Solomon is signaling with his behavior just how deeply in love he is with her and everyone in the room notices it. This triggers a daydream of the two of them lying together. “Let his left hand be under my head And his right hand embrace me” (Song of Solomon 2:6). But even though they are engaged, the thoughts are not appropriate. It is rushing things. Sexual fantasies happen, but the heroine turns to the audience and tells the women there, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the hinds of the field, that you do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases” (Song of Solomon 2:7).

The point is important. When we rush things, even in our thoughts, we tend to make mistakes. If we rush love, it will flee like a timid deer or gazelle. Love is something that needs to develop at its own pace. Thus, try not to get the cart before the horse.

Daydreaming is common. You are aware that daydreams are not reality. So long as you don’t get so distracted by your daydreams that you don’t get your work done, then there is nothing particularly wrong with what you are describing.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had bad experiences as a child. Not all men are the same. Find a good, solid, Christian man and you might find yourself changing your mind later in life. Right now, staying uninvolved with guys is probably a good thing.